Listening to: Sanctuary - Utada Hikaru

I'm now officially jobless for 3 months. If you didn't know, well...now you do!

I have been growing extremely reluctant to leave the house and socialize. It's like a metamorphosis into a hikikomori that it's somewhat fascinating and scary at the same time.

There's a reason: I'm sick of fielding the same question over and over again.

"Have you found a job yet?"

See, life delights itself in being hopelessly difficult to me. Interviews don't happen all the time; The only time I struck gold was when one place called me less than 24 hours after submitting my application, otherwise the fastest people call me back is after a month...or two, after I've waaaay forgotten that I even submitted an application, and for what job.

It's understandable if you haven't seen me in 6 months and the last time you heard from me was from my last workplace; asking every time we speak on MSN is not. Neither is the excuse "I'm just interested in your life", because it's emotionally tiring and it's not a nice to go to bed feeling useless and guilty because everyone's gainfully employed or having money and being able to support their parents as opposed to, you know, not having any. Your mum gets pissed and calls you a retard for sitting down and enjoying Kingdom Hearts 2, there's no call from anywhere you've gone for an interview for 3 weeks, and you're more afraid of being accepted  because that means you're going to rearrange your life to accomodate career, and being free on Saturdays becomes a luxury than a necessity.

The other day I went back to collect my last paycheque, and one conversation with weird gaijin people went like this:

WGP (weird gaijin person): How've you been?
Me: Good.
WGP: Gotten a job yet?
Me: No.
WGP: How nice~

Of course it's nice to kick back and not worry about work and get bored reading Newtype USA day after day, but the fear that money runs out and that you're wasting time when you could be wasting time earning a living pops out, and it never stops. The pressure is always there even when people innocently ask "have you found a job yet" as if all you need to get a job is snap your fingers, tada there's your interview and contract and whatnot! These people I especially want to strangle and pulverize, because my experience with job hunting is completely different from yours, and it is a difficult and painful road just to do what I want to do as opposed to what I could do.

All the ranting, and it comes to one answer I've learned: When I get a job, I'll let you know. Believe me.

And believe me, you WILL know.

• Spartan Desecration Hour (300 + God of War 2)
• FF12 Desecration
• Kingdom Hearts 2 Desecration
• Code Geass Desecration

Help me decide by writing in the comments section. Comments, not tagboard. Have a nice day!